Faith and Framework 2
My mother is a woman of amazing faith. She manifests that faith via the christian religion but in a spiritual way. This faith causes her to believe in abundance in a way that is absolutely MAGICAL! She lives an abundant life, that on paper you would go, "How is this possible?" I've seen this in motion and there is something weird in me, some belief, that's almost scared of it. Something in me goes, "That's too much, better slow down, that's too abundant, that's too greedy." Part of this manifestation expresses itself in the form of people coming into her life that provide these opportunities.
One small example. She's getting her house re-modeled almost for free! She just happened to meet someone in her community who just happens to be an excellent contractor, who happens to want to provide this type of service for tax write off purposes!! If I sat here and tried to think of this with my conscious mind I wouldnt be able to do it. And I guess that's the point. These connections were obviously made in F2.
I had a conversation with her yesterday and she was correcting me in the way I was speaking. I was using words like "I hope" and "maybe, i don't know" and she said, "You have to think positive thoughts." Then she said, "You have to KNOW that the lord is going to make a way" and then, "I've been in too many situations in the past where he has helped me."
Every time I said, "yeah, but...." she would cut me off with one of those sentences. Now, she wasn't cutting me off on purposes and had no idea I was trying interject because the connection wasnt the greatest, but the timing was perfect.. After the 3rd time I had to absolutely laugh because I couldn't even get the negative thought out of my mouth. I finally had to say to "whoever" was sending me this message, "ok, I understand." LOL
This obviously ties DIRECTLY into Seth. 1. Speaking negative thoughts will attract negative results 2. Expectation is key to conscious reality creation and 3. Have faith.
I've never thought of myself as a person who says negative things, but after being checked like this I have to admit I absolutely do this. I also think like this in my head. I think its sort of a "hedging my bets" protective measure so if things turn out badly I can at least say, "I knew this was a possibility, so it's not so bad." Sort of like a consolation prize that I've set up for myself to comfort myself and feel like I have a handle on reality and how things work. It also serves to reinforce my belief in my own intelligence, like, "I don't get what I want, but I knew it was a possibility so at least I'm not a total loser." A belief that has both negative and positive purposes. Maybe not even in terms of negative or positive, just a belief that served me at one point, but no longer does.
I've been thinking about this for awhile, trying to figure out why conscious reality creation hasnt worked out the best for me.
There are also a couple of things I've been aware of in my past that I haven't really addressed, but I guess its time. Also a couple of new thoughts relating to them as well. I had an abundant childhood. I never wanted for anything; the latest toys, video games, or food. All was provided to me by my single mother who was raising 2 kids and worked very hard. I always felt guilty. I felt as if my existence, my desires and her providing for me was adding to her suffering. I guess I kind of over-identified with her, being a mama's boy, so somewhere that guilt led me along the lines of trying to pull in my reality. Don't want too much, don't be greedy, don't expect too much, only want what you need, because in my child's eye, my desires caused suffering for someone else. If I was getting something that meant someone else had to go without. This idea is then obviously re-inforced by normal lessons you try to teach your child; sharing is good.
Sorry if this isnt well put together but several realizations just came to me as a result of something and are coming to me as I type this and I just had to get it out.
Overcontrol & Intuition
I've been trying to overcontrol my reality. I've been trying to bring things that SHOULD be handled by other parts of me and in framework 2 into my conscious mind and trying to control things from here. (overcontrol) There are many reasons for this, more reasons than what I typed out above. I've been trying to get a sense of my intuition since its a way your innerself communicates, in order to help myself, but I haven't been able to figure out what that feels like. Is it that monkey mind part of yourself? I don't think it is because that comes up, for me, when I'm fearful and it comes along with a whole lot of anxiety. I don't think your intuition comes with that, lol.
I'm starting to become aware that there are multiple reasons not just 1 big one. I've been trying to find "negative" beliefs but not all of them are charged like that in my mind so I'm missing them.
More to come, and I might edit this some to make it more readable.
Things are stirring.............