I’ve had much success programming/creating my reality since I first picked up the Seth Material in the old NYC 8th St Bookstore back in the day. To think I could have gone to some sessions but didn’t, well. it is what it is. Took the Silva Method because of Seth and Jane. And a bunch of other stuff too. Trouble is that you do have to be careful about what you wish for, as sometimes there are unforeseen consequences. I worked over all my beliefs and B. Systems numerous times and it appeared i had successfully cleaned the house out, basement to attic. At this point in my life I’m still finding myself spewing up bits and tiny chunks of childhood/past/alternate/ancestral, etc. negative core belief flotsam. And also hoping at least I’ve resolved all my old karma, as it seems to be i’m experiencing instant karma mostly, nowadays.
If I do program my reality nowadays it’s quite simple and usually a real generic image, such as the time recently when i needed a car and my broken teeth fixed (from my x’s rum&coked out attacks). I just saw myself getting out of this nice clean, relatively new car of the color blue which i love, in the dentists parking lot and seeing myself getting back in with a smile and my teeth fixed and usually getting out of the car(just pictured it hazily) in my driveway and smiling on the bluestone walkway to my house. This worked. I was trying to k.i.s.s. as I’m gun shy of going for the big script as i’m afraid i’ll leave something out again. And i have all these talents and they’re like a huge flock of bluebirds nesting in my tree of life and damn if i can’t pick just 1 or 2 and get it on. I’ve read and practiced everything under our wonderful poppa sun and there are days that all this knowledge just sits there like a big juicy, organic soup stew filled with all kinds of wonderful delicious stuff and i haven’t got the ‘wisdom’ spoon to stir the soup and pour it into a wisdom bowl and down my gullet of “know-it-all scorpio, gotta know everything, yes i know, delete my need to understand, but i gotta know it real down deep, truth out fever” and get some honest-to-goodness critical thinking, down-to-earth Praxis, which is what Seth is all about. Not Theory, not all those alleged Scientific Facts(which are really just the theories most acceptable by the majority in positions of leadership).
Okay, so in 1990 i got hit in the chest at 40 mph by a white 83(11) Buick Le ‘Sabre’ driven by an Eleanor(bright one) named ‘Machetti’ that crashed thru my office window and nailed me in the heart chakra and broke ten ribs uniformly, and 9 bulging discs and other etc. stuff. Among this ‘stuff’ were some serious things, like a brain stem injury which complicates PTSD as well as the other stuff so i don’t know if i’m crying for a good reason or because my brain is burping or i’m picking up someone else’s frequency channel, or whatever. I believe it’s about time i’ve healed myself as it’s all about energy and belief systems and why can’t these friggin injuries be healed if i’m an energy being and basically an all-powerful ‘demi’-god with quasi-amnesia? I’ve done pretty well but…Yeh, i do all the fancy sacred light work, geometric crystaline spherical, energy, torus centering and balancing and resonance stuff, and other than a 100 pages of affirmation like goals, I just seem incapable of writing out a script of what i really want for the next 30(?) yrs(got a 10 yr old now too, so no retirement for me yet). I have advice up the wazoo and it’s all good, and some days i’m friggin’ on top of the world, a child of All-That-Is and all’s right in Abhalon. But then, when the roller coaster goes over the next rise…
Where are these new beliefs when i need them. All these wonderful psychics and healers and intuitives give me all these great energy and pep talks and i get it and i agree, but in a day or 2 i’m back at some sort of square one, whether it’s a different square one on another plane or spiral level square or cube 1 or not. I know that eternity means eternity and it just goes on and on and we keep learning. I just seem to be flittering in and out and back and forth thru parallel/alternate lives. like in my dreams. The last marriage I definitely got ‘twilightzoned’ into another alternate reality, karmic or not and i know i asked for it and paid my ticket(as i usually do) and it was another great life lesson and i’ve had so many damned blesson lessons that even this Scorpio w/8 planetary objects in it, and as tuff as i am having chosen all these things to happen to me so i could be accepting of betrayal and having my creative stuff stolen over and over and stand up to bullies and save people and i’ve always seem to get myself into the phoenix thing and get right back up after i get knocked down just like my surrogate granpa Uncle Jack O’Shea taught me. And then try not to get myself back into these scenarios.
I grok(sic) Seth. He is my point man, I probably even know him and have met him in some realities, as all of us Sethians probably feel, at least I did in 1 dream in the 80’s. I’ve read all the Seth books over several times and practiced creating my own reality many many times. I’ve lived in a Safe Universe(Never said it was perfect) and rolled thru almost endless synchronicities. But. Back to the drawing board it seems. Right now I’m again restarting Barbara Marciniak’s(usta know her in the 80’s when i was in the healing, channeling group) book "Path to Empowerment"again. It’s like a whole lot of Seth crammed into 284 pgs and is the most beat up, dog-earred, liquid-spilled, wrinkled, yellow highlighted book I’ve ever had and I’m this will be about the 20th time this year alone, alot of it while i ride my stationary bike, but still …still …
I got up early this morning, I was definitely gonna work on my script where i’m writing it for my 'imaginary neighbor or friend who is almost, just like me(a suggestion of a friend to get around the ‘careful what you wish for’ thing)whether it was going to be a "I’m gonna just let Synchronicity flow and do everything " script , or “I’m gonna pick out exactly where i want ‘him’ to live and what ‘he’s’ gonna focus on to make good, creative, happy, wonderful, abundant, money doing what ‘he’ really wants to do and not what other people want ‘him’ to do” script, or a combo of both, or even something newer or different script…
But maybe a part of me doesn’t believe this 3rd person script will work. The idea is I write it about ‘him’ until i get ‘him’ the best script i can write, covering all the bases and throw in a disclaimer or two for collateral damage prevention, then turn around and apply it to me using the well worn creative visualizashun techniques i know work. So, okay, this should work, right, Bucky?’ I mean ideas roar thru my mind like a bubbling book(sic), but, but…there is this gap, this chasm, this void that i just, excuse me for being New Age Incorrect, “can’t” make head nor tail of. It’s like i need an agent to get me the things agents do (as i seem to have a very strong natal chart ‘mold’ of everything in opposites, like i succeed-i fail, i’m rich-i’m poor, etc.,.which is kinda interesting to sort out) to perhaps build a bridge of some kind off this cliff and over the huge, vast valley to the mountains beyond, or give me an anti-grav ship to pass over to the ‘other side’ where i can make sense of it all. But then i think that the chasm beyond the cliff’s edge(I usta do these kinda paintings way back when) is the ‘amnesia’ of what it’s like in the higher dimensions and i’m not supposed to cross over to the promised land but figure it all out back behind the cliff’s edge on this side of the chasm? So i’ve got this bookcase full of divination stuff and tables full of all kinds Tarot and Celtic and Angel oracles and cards and a thousand crystals and gems and runes and ogham fews and i ching and several pendulms and i make the ‘angels’ work overtime but, but i’'m always seeking outside me in books and intuitives and signs, etc., when i know it’s all inside me.
But, damn, today if I didn’t get sidetracked again, despite the best preparation and determination in years to do this. It’s like i went into a trance of sublime, mindless, ignorance, busy as a zen bee doing nothing and everything else but focusing on what i want to focus on. So, is it i need a new lens? Can i cop a plea and blame the Brain Stem Injury and the PTSD and the random off again, on again pinched nerves and the Startle Response(SR)? Is my belief that my 3rd eye won’t open or stay open so i can get my own advice really insurmountable? Hearing “Just relax, it will happen, soon, it’s ready” over and over again. I do long and short meditations, breathing exercises, i ignore it, i sing to it, i read tomes on how easy it is. I contemplate on my breath, the dark womb of Mothergod, i try tons of different music, or not. Why back in the 80’s i helped train people to open it. lol. I surround it with healing light and loving, golden, spiralling energy, i connect up my solar plexus and mind, centering and balancing in my heart chakra, i visualize it being healed and that i’m ready to see now, i’m not afraid to see, it’s okay for me to see, etc., etc., …and just when it starts to open, my ‘body/ego’ goes into the shell-shock SR and it closes shut like an iron gate.
This ‘SR’ thing is from the car thru the window in the chest and i understand my body/ego-mind temple is scared it’s gonna get nailed in the sternum again or somewhere else so it just jumps out of nowhere and goes bazooky at the slightest ‘boo’. And mentally, emotionally and spiritually i’m not scared. The 2 times i had the daytime apparition of the sparkling, anthropomorphically shaped 8’ Light Being after the car hit me, the 1st one unrequested, the 2nd one requested, I was thrilled and wanted to communicate, like: "Hello, man, who are you and why are you…BAM!! went the SR. The 2nd time i promised the SR wouldn’t happen if it reappeared to me, and it did reappear, but same way, uncontrollably, i screamed the bloody daylights out of me again and it just disappeared from the bottom up all sparkling like the last part of the ‘beaming up’ scene in Star Trek. So I guess they don’t like scaring people, even if it’s only part of you that gets scared, so i now just get little blue lights to warn me I’m speeding and the ‘mans’ around the bend or a bunch of deer up ahead, etc… So enough constructive or destructive criticism of meself. Any one out there make sense of what i’m saying? Sound familiar. In the same old, same old Belief System Tape loop Blues? Got any tips i haven’t thought of? Like eat broccoli while standing in the crane position chanting an old druid mantra in Irish? Or put all the Seth books between the mattress and the box spring, or just…just…be here now doing all the crazy things i’m doing because that’s what i’m supposed to be doing? Is this the way i’m going to finally empower myself by just surrendering to the fact that i seem unable to ‘make’ or act like i’m not ‘forcing’ it. Is it the Scorpio control thing i need to learn how to ‘not’ control, to surrender to not controlling, to just babble on definitely until, SHAZAM!! I’m on the mountains on the opposite side of my old paintings looking back at the cliffs in the foreground, that people usta say: “Your cliffs are so cool they make you want to just jump off.” There’s a riddle here. And it’s riddling the daylights out of me. See, i even make fun of myself making fun of myself. “That’s another fine mess you’ve gotten yourself in again, isn’t it?” Could be worse. Has been.
Sorry for blathering on but us Sumari Irish have a hard time making a long story short. But maybe this will help me write the script, sometime today as it is now officially New Years Eve 12:03 a.m… Or not.