Questions on reconciling YCYOR with creating a joint reality

So I’ve been dealing with the matter of personal responsibility a lot lately, which I think is a fairly normal thing to be dealing with when learning about the Seth Material.
I’m coming up against a wall with this issue though, and I’d love to hear other opinions and interpretations.

Seth says that you are in complete control of your own reality - you completely create your own reality. But it’s also said that you can’t “control” other people, and you’re creating your reality jointly with the people who are involved in it.
So are you really 100% responsible for everything that happens in your reality? And if you are, how does that fit with the idea that you can’t control other people and you’re creating a joint reality with other people?
How does this work, in action?

For example, if I’m discussing something with a friend or family member and they react in a negative way that I did not (consciously, at least) anticipate, how responsible am I for their reaction? I know that I draw everything in my reality to myself, but I can’t actually make someone react a certain way, can I? Isn’t their reaction mostly on them, and my part in it is just bringing that into my personal experience?

Any thoughts anyone has on this topic would be much appreciated, and I’m sorry if my questions are little unclear. This is a hard topic for me to articulate, for whatever reason.


This is a good question, and something I have been contemplating recently.

The words “make” & “control” are strong words that I believe are inherently setting up a fundamental misunderstanding in terms of causality. “Make” and “control” and “create” need to be differentiated in a greater context.

A better way of stating the YCYOR is perhaps You Choose Your Own Reality…from an infinite number of realities. “Choose” is a better synonym to “create” rather than “make/control” when it comes to examining interactions among people.

For example, you choose your friends and family, and you choose their likely probable reactions from an infinite number of possible reactions, based on your current emotional vibrational makeup. In one probable reality the person reacts negatively in another probable reality the person reacts positively. Which of those realities you personally “create”/experience is contingent on your personal creative power when it comes to creating your own personal emotional matrix which then actualizes the probable reality in accordance with said matrix. Be it the negative or positive reaction one.

You create experience through choice, the issue is you don’t realize how many possible optional realities exist to choose from! You create relationships through choice, you teach people how to treat you, or more accurately how you treat yourself. The universe reflects back to you what you are often creating un/subconciously with a great degree of precision. It may seem like other people are “doing” things to you, or you to them, that however while you still need to deal with that on a practical level, is rather superficial to what’s really going on underneath.

YCYOR is true in the absolute sense at the most fundamental level, when it comes to probable reality choosing… it however is not really true at the superficial ego/only looking at physical reality level where the mechanics are slightly different.

You choose to experience the planet and all its people in a given way based on your own personal inclinations. The idea of making/controlling others simply does not fit in with that kind of deeper understanding. Choice at a deeper level of your being precludes anything your ego in physical reality may try to “control” from it’s relatively speaking powerless position.


Thank you for this response! It was very good and cleared some stuff up for me.

So I guess what I’m confused about is how this meshes up with us creating reality jointly? I’m confused about the mechanics of it, I think.
If the universe is reflecting back to me what I’m creating subconsciously, but it’s also doing it for the person who I’m interacting with, how does that play out? Are we both equally responsible for our actions and the other person’s reactions? Do we both have to be in a certain emotional vibrational makeup for this to occur? And if one of us was in a different one, would the results be different? Or would they be the same because one of us is still in that vibration?
I may still be thinking about this too superficially, and not thinking of it in the proper terms of deeper subconscious creations. I’m trying to think of it in concrete terms so that I can understand it and make changes accordingly, but that may not be the right approach.

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I really like what Gestalt said, as well as the original question. One thing I would point out is that we each create our own experience of each event, no matter how many other people experience the seemingly-same event. Also, we each bring to each situation our own intentions as well as our own un/subconscious beliefs and other thoughts that pertain to it.

I think the problem usually comes from our not being aware of our un/subconscious beliefs and other thoughts, so incidents like this are opportunities for us to see what they are. I would ask myself the question, “What must my underlying beliefs be for me to have created such a response from the other person?” Also, “What can I learn about myself from their response, using them as a kind of mirror.”

Just some thoughts off the top of my head. :slight_smile:


I have been reading Seth for over 30 years, I know that his words speak the truth and the readings have explained a lot of issues that come into play in my life. I believe you have come up with the conundrum of co-creation - how do our personal beliefs mesh with the reality of the outer-world, which we apparently have some say in creating. Perhaps you need to ask your inner self that question - a probable self may have already found out for you!

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“Responsibility” and taking “ownership” of your reality and everyone in it again is only true at the deepest probable reality choosing level.

Others are also choosing from an endless number of experiential probable realities which one to experience in any given moment. There are an infinite number of “you’s” out there all experiencing every possible version of every action/thought emotion you could possibly have, and likewise this applies to others as well.

When you experience an interaction with another, you chose to actualize one particular event and it just so happens the other person chooses to experience that same event in the same way. The tricky thing here is that there isn’t just one you or one other either, there are infinite you’s and infinite others.

The fact there is a seemingly linear continuity to personhood, your’s and others is the miracle of the universe, although we take this aspect for granted. Co-creating then is a super-complex interaction where infinite you’s and infinite others converge on particular sequence of events. From your own personal soul/entity level it all seems so nice and linear.

The concept of “responsibility” again like “control” can be highly confusing because it matters again upon degree and context with which you apply it in a multi-dimensional reality.

On a practical level it is your emotional beliefs that governs which reality and which version of others you will experience. This applies to others in their own way as well. In one reality you may be a saint to another person, and in another you may be a killer. There are infinite versions of you, others have at their disposable to experience and choose from according to their own emotional vibrational makeups.

Co-creation is a convergence of choices from all players involved. There are however also an infinite other convergences and co-creations. Once you can wrap your mind around the concept that there are infinite versions of you, I think this may all be easier to understand.


Amid the mad scramble, you do make your own reality. I admit that this sounds too simple, but you will not be caught in an earthquake if you do not want to be; and no one dies who has not decided to do so. You make your own reality; or you do not. And if you do not, then you are everywhere a victim, and the universe must be an accidental mechanism appearing with no reason. So that the miraculous picture you have seen of your body came accidentally into creation, and out of some cosmic accident attained it’s miraculous complexity. And that body was formed so beautifully for no reason except to be a victim.

This is the only other alternative to forming your own reality. You cannot have a universe in between. You have a universe formed with a reason, or a universe formed without a reason. And in a universe of reason, there are no victims. Everything has a reason, or nothing has a reason. So, choose your side!

CWS, book two, appendix 4, page 233 by Susan M. Watkins ©


'…you create your reality, all of it…, I can not say it often enough, there is no other main ‘rule’, …you create it all, period!

Now, this concept is simple, though not necessarily easy to understand and that’s exactly why we are here.
The question is a very good one and one that we grapple with in our own way.
Ultimately we are learning how to handle the energy (THOUGHT). Your emotion to a thing, person or circumstance is the indicator to your conscious mind that you are creating toward your desires or not. There is no right or wrong, only perspectives and preferences that are uniquely your own.
This planet is a training ground to help us recognise the correlation between our thinking and what we experience. Through each individual perspective the universe expands and improves toward that which is prefered, it is freewill that allows recognition of this.
Emotion, energy in motion is the value given to a thought by each being. Positive or negative (current) is also from a perspective unique to the self. With no emotion, there is little or no energy as in taking something for granted or believing it as fact. Once again this is individual.
Even though we interact and witness so much, with so many, so quickly it is always a reality reflective of your thinking and emotions to it.
This is how every reality is always individual…ALWAYS!

An analogy that I heard and have liked is that of Altitude verse attitude.(vibration)
The higher it is to any given thing the less chance of experiencing crashing into something, less ‘traffic’, stability above the ‘weather’, and if high enough no one can come into your vicinity unless it is of similar attitude.

Remember, this is only my perspective, the one that matters to me. Yours has to be different because your the only one like you, anywhere that has ever been or ever will be! …and that is a wonderful, beautiful thing…so have fun with it.


At it’s most basic, Seth’s reality creation need not involve choice or conscious awareness; each person creates their own unique physical continuum (all they perceive with their physical senses) all day, every day:

A group of Seth readers are gathered in my living room in Magnolia, MA. Each is creating their own unique physical continuum, which includes my old coffee table and all of the endless pieces of junk that I’ve accumulated and placed in the room over many years. Without any conscious discussion, they agree on the size, color, weight, etc., of all of these items. Per Seth this is accomplished – is “coordinated,” you might say – through unconscious telepathy.

This agreement could also be called a kind of “co-creation.”

Suddenly, without warning, one of these readers pulls out a gun and shoots all of the others dead, then points the gun at her own head, pulls the trigger, and dies (the group had planned to meditate, then get out a ouija board; unfortunately, no one is left to operate the board).

This is where conscious beliefs and choice come into play – the event was “co-created” in accordance with each Seth reader’s conscious beliefs; each chose to die that day.

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Thank you all for your contributions to this topic, it is very valuable to me.

Yet I would like to ask for some clarification about what @Gestalt calls emotional beliefs please.

The unconscious and/or subconscious believes and other thoughts @Glen2 refers to I am trying to comprehend as, what, the expectations, mental projections of preference and aversion and/or interpretations based on (previous) personal perception? Yes? Is that what you meant?

Or under beliefs you mean the personal fundamental idea of the Universe and one’s place and identity in it? And if so what exactly is the emotional component to it? I mean is it the unique lens through which one is experiencing at that exact occasion, one’s state of being so to speak?

In any case it would be helpful to provide an example of such (emotional) beliefs.

Because otherwise I don’t know what you mean by the very thing that you say governs which version of possible reality one experiencs. But I love it when I stumble upon a conversation that pinpoints practical guidelines of wisdom.

Thank you in advance, @Gestalt, @Glen2, and anyone who might like to respond.